Marriage was such a huge word for me. I always thought I'd grow old single and probably live in a house by myself or with other old ladies. In fact I have never been in a serious relationship before. Sure I've had boyfriends but for some reason it never lasted. Six months was long enough already. Kids? My family and friends will tell you I was not that child-friendly either. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate kids I was just not the malapit-sa-mga-bata type. I just had no idea how to handle them.
When J and I started dating, we had no expectations about the future. We don't even know the exact date we became "us". We were just having fun and enjoying each others company. Everything just fit. Somehow I felt he was different. I have never dated someone who lets me be. He just let me do the things I want. And he doesn't really care what dress I should or should not wear. Seldom texts or calls. At that time it was annoying because I always waited for his texts. Most of the time we don't even know where or what each other is doing. I used to play lawn tennis after office and he would just pop into the court without pasabi that he's coming. "Gale paalisin ko ba sya?" My tennis kuya would often ask me, noticing that most of my balls (ok, all) were on the roof already. Anyway that was J's way. If he wanted to see me he'll go straight away. Sumusulpot bigla. Nanggugulat lang.
When I got pregnant I thought I would pass the whole nine months breezily. I was confident because J was always on my side. Little did I know that I was in for a ride. My pregnancy was extremely difficult. During my first trimester I was always put on bedrest. That was on top of me getting sick all the time. I was throwing up everything I eat. I had no appetite at all. Add to that my rollercoaster of emotions. Ghaaad! I was so clingy and I cried to the simpliest of things. And I thought I was strong.
After pregnancy my pagiging emotional didn't stop. In fact, it magnified. I had a C-Section so after the operation I was unable to move and J literally has to lift me so I can sit. For the first few weeks after giving birth I was half cripple. I had difficulty moving around and for the first time in my life I was helpless. I was used to doing things on my own that asking for J's help with my personal "things" was a little bit embarrassing. Sometimes he would catch me crying in the bathroom because I was low on breastmilk or in our bedroom because I was so scared and didn't know how to carry Marley. I would lay awake at night worrying about us. From who would take care of Marley when I get back to the office to where we will live. I had so many things on my mind that I was always on edge. But J was wonderful through it all. Never once has he ever complained. When I'd have one of my fits at night, he would just reach for my hand and lull me to sleep. He would hold and hug me and tell me everything will be a-okay. It was like he was caring for two babies at home. One was a baby damulag. hehe He was my rock. My sanity would not have made it through without him. When I look back now, I knew without a doubt I married the right man.
J and I have only been married for a year and I know most of you will think that we are like this because we still are in our honeymoon phase. But I'm writing this when someday we find ourselves growing apart or blinded by anger in a huge fight, I have something to look back on and remember one or two of the many things why I fell in love with J.
Happy Anniversary my love!
