Me: The Wifey

Marriage was such a huge word for me. I always thought I'd grow old single and probably live in a house by myself or with other old ladies. In fact I have never been in a serious relationship before. Sure I've had boyfriends but for some reason it never lasted. Six months was long enough already. Kids? My family and friends will tell you I was not that child-friendly either. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate kids I was just not the malapit-sa-mga-bata type. I just had no idea how to handle them.

When J and I started dating, we had no expectations about the future. We don't even know the exact date we became "us". We were just having fun and enjoying each others company. Everything just fit. Somehow I felt he was different. I have never dated someone who lets me be. He just let me do the things I want. And  he doesn't really care what dress I should or should not wear. Seldom texts or calls. At that time it was annoying because I always waited for his texts. Most of the time we don't even know where or what each other is doing. I used to play lawn tennis after office and he would just pop into the court without pasabi that he's coming. "Gale paalisin ko ba sya?" My tennis kuya would often ask me, noticing that most of my balls (ok, all) were on the roof already. Anyway that was J's way. If he wanted to see me he'll go straight away. Sumusulpot bigla. Nanggugulat lang.

When I got pregnant I thought I would pass the whole nine months breezily. I was confident because J was  always on my side. Little did I know that I was in for a ride. My pregnancy was extremely difficult. During my first trimester I was always put on bedrest. That was on top of me getting sick all the time. I was throwing up everything I eat. I had no appetite at all. Add to that my rollercoaster of emotions. Ghaaad! I was so clingy and  I cried to the simpliest of things. And I thought I was strong.

After pregnancy my pagiging emotional didn't stop. In fact, it magnified. I had a C-Section so after the operation I was unable to move and J literally has to lift me so I can sit. For the first few weeks after giving birth I was half cripple. I had difficulty moving around and for the first time in my life I was helpless. I was used to doing things on my own that asking for J's help with my personal "things" was a little bit embarrassing. Sometimes he would catch me crying in the bathroom because I was low on breastmilk or in our bedroom because I was so scared and didn't know how to carry Marley. I would lay awake at night worrying about us. From who would take care of Marley when I get back to the office to where we will live. I had so many things on my mind that I was always on edge. But J was wonderful through it all. Never once has he ever complained. When I'd have one of my fits at night, he would just reach for my hand and lull me to sleep. He would hold and hug me and tell me everything will be a-okay. It was like he was caring for two babies at home. One was a baby damulag. hehe  He was my rock. My sanity would not have made it through without him. When I look back now, I knew without a doubt I married the right man.

J and I have only been married for a year and I know most of you will think that we are like this because we still are in our honeymoon phase. But I'm writing this when someday we find ourselves growing apart or blinded by anger in a huge fight, I have something to look back on and remember one or two of the many things why I fell in love with J.

Happy Anniversary my love!

 

Fat Me Not

Shallow Hal

I have been called fat, slim and sexy all in one day! So what am I really? It just goes to show that different people have different perception of what is fat, payatot and sexy. We live in an era that almost everybody wants to be skinny. When you’re lean you can run faster, move quickly and best of all wear all kinds of dresses and it would still look good and decent on you. A woman on the extra L size doesn’t have the liberty to pick any dress she wants. Take me for example. I have big “bumpers” and I love wearing those spaghetti straps as much as the next thinnest model does. But I have to pick the occasion when I wear them lest I look like kalapating mababa ang lipad.

We actually don’t need to be told what we are because we, ourselves, know it even if we don’t accept it. I know when I am fat. I know when I got trimmer. I’m not going to say slim or slender because I know I’m not. I’m one of those girls with “big bones” as they say. And I think being sexy is how you carry yourself. Sometimes when I’ve gotten myself fat over a holiday I just tell myself that I’m sexy. So I go out, dress and act sexy and it shows. People would give me an admiring comment and say I look good.

I just gave birth a few months ago and I still have this stubborn little tummy bump on me that won’t go away. But there was this one time I wore a medyo tight dress to the office. Yep. Mabuhay ang matatapang! All day I got complimented on how thin and sexy I look. During our afternoon break I went to the restroom but I forgot to take my “stomach-in” and suddenly I’m being told I’m fat. It’s funny how people judge your fatness by the size of your stomach.

Over the years I have learned to take praises and criticisms in stride. Well, I have to because if I didn’t I would surely have a miserable life. Sometimes I would tell myself that is just how movie stars are. Everyone has an opinion on you. Just like pregnancy, be it an advice or pamahiin on how you carry your baby, everybody you meet has something to say. But that’s another topic altogether. What I am saying is you can’t control the people around you. The only thing you can control is yourself. If you are praised, smile and say thanks. If you are criticized, smile and count your blessings!